Random thoughts of an anonymous man
As I stumble through this life,
help me to create more laughter than tears,
dispense more cheer than gloom,
spread more cheer than despair.
Never let me become so indifferent,
that I will fail to see the wonders in the eyes of a child,
or the twinkle in the eyes of the aged.
Never let me forget that my total effort is to cheer people,
make them happy, and forget momentarily,
all the unpleasantness in their lives.
And in my final moment,
may I hear You whisper:
“When you made My people smile,
you made Me smile.”
It's not any easier and I don't feel like anyone has access to "me". Does anyone really know me? any person who could have possibly understood me has gone or moved away. It is not there fault or necessarily mine. It is life. Everyone chases happiness in life. Love. wealth. religion. drugs. sex. it all seeks to feel the same gap of loneliness. I miss my friends. I hope you are all doing well and i wish you well. I miss you.
Mean mr. mustard says hes bored
Of life in the district.
Cant afford the french quarter high
Says it gets old real quick
And he pales up next to me
Scrawled on the pavement
It says: son, time is all the luck
You need.
And if I stay lucky then my tongue
Will stay tied, and I wont betray
The things that I hide.
Theres not enough years underneath
This belt, for me to admit the way
That I felt.
Mean mr. mustard says dont be
The wave that crashes
From a sea of discontent, he says
Hes wrestled with that blanket...
It leaves you cold and wet
Any way you stretch it
Divine apathy! disease of my youth
Watch that you dont catch it.
Remember when things were easy? Remember when you had your friends and associates? The day was structured and uniform. I miss my friends. I hate who I am.
No More Games. No More Bombs. No More Walking. No More Fun. No More Swimming. 67. That is 17 years past 50. 17 more than I needed or wanted. Boring. I am always bitchy. No Fun - for anybody. 67. You are getting Greedy. Act your old age. Relax - This won't hurt.
...
Once divided...nothing left to subtract...
Some words when spoken...cant be taken back...
Walks on his own...with thoughts he cant help thinking...
Futures above...but in the past hes slow and sinking...
Caught a bolt a lightnin...cursed the day he let it go...
Nothingman... (2x)
Isnt it something?
Nothingman...
She once believed...in every story he had to tell...
One day she stiffened...took the other side...
Empty stares...from each corner of a shared prison cell...
One just escapes...ones left inside the well...
And he who forgets...will be destined to remember...oh...oh...oh...
Nothingman... (2x)
Isnt it something?
Nothingman...
Oh, she dont want him...
Oh, she wont feed him...after hes flown away...
Oh, into the sun...ah, into the sun...
Burn...burn...
Nothingman... (2x)
Isnt it something?
Nothingman...
Nothingman... (2x)
Coulda been something...
Nothingman...
I was looking back through old posts... Things used to be different. More clear, less oppressive. I don't know what to think of you. Just seem to be covered in a heavy blanket now.
If it be your will
That I speak no more
And my voice be still
As it was before
I will speak no more
I shall abide until
I am spoken for
If it be your will
If it be your will
That a voice be true
From this broken hill
I will sing to you
From this broken hill
All your praises they shall ring
If it be your will
To let me sing
From this broken hill
All your praises they shall ring
If it be your will
To let me sing
If it be your will
If there is a choice
Let the rivers fill
Let the hills rejoice
Let your mercy spill
On all these burning hearts in hell
If it be your will
To make us well
And draw us near
And bind us tight
All your children here
In their rags of light
In our rags of light
All dressed to kill
And end this night
If it be your will
If it be your will.
I wonder, in the descent into darkness, depression for lack of a better term, if you were to take a daily photo over an undefined period of time you could watch a person come apart. Could you see it in the eyes? Mannerisms? I wonder. Sadness is a different kind of pain, difficult to "tough it out". It just seems to get deeper. Numbness
He's always given, so you can't always make him laugh...
Dreams like this must die...
Mileage has taken its toll, painted with lines to show...
I haven't forgotten you... I am still here.
Five months or so have passed.... Life is good. I am clean clear and happy. Can't hope for much more than that. Enjoying myself. The ways of the past are in the past and with any luck I will never again visit my old worn trails.
1Iwillexaltyou,OLORD, foryouliftedmeoutofthedepthsanddidnotletmyenemiesgloatoverme. 2OLORDmyGod,Icalledtoyouforhelpandyouhealedme. 3OLORD,youbroughtmeupfromthegrave[b];yousparedmefromgoingdownintothepit. 4SingtotheLORD,yousaintsofhis;praisehisholyname. 5Forhisangerlastsonlyamoment,buthisfavorlastsalifetime;weepingmayremainforanight, butrejoicingcomesinthemorning.6WhenIfeltsecure,Isaid, “Iwillneverbeshaken.”7OLORD,whenyoufavoredme, youmademymountain[c]standfirm;butwhenyouhidyourface,Iwasdismayed. 8Toyou,OLORD,Icalled;totheLordIcriedformercy: 9“Whatgainisthereinmydestruction,[d]inmygoingdownintothepit?Willthedustpraiseyou? Willitproclaimyourfaithfulness?10Hear,OLORD,andbemercifultome; OLORD,bemyhelp.”11Youturnedmywailingintodancing; youremovedmysackclothandclothedmewithjoy,12thatmyheartmaysingtoyouandnotbesilent. OLORDmyGod,Iwillgiveyouthanksforever.
Been a while.... I am still fighting the good fight. Spring is finally here. I am feeling better....
This world will definitely lay a beating to you if you will allow it.... Still waiting for that next big wave to pick me up and put me back on top. I don't like waiting and treading water and that is exactly what I am doing... my own fault for becoming complacent. My future is bright and it is up to me and no one else to seize opportunity and make something of myself. Time to leave the past in the past and just live. This pack of self imposed responsibilities is limiting my hike through life....
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that, the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
two roads diverged in a wood, and I --
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
Robert Frost
