Sometimes, as I have discussed before, life wears on me. It wears me very thin. I sometimes wish I could just walk away from it all and live the life of a hermit somewhere very foreign. Just me, my thoughts, regrets, and repressed anger. There are times when I feel like a pressure cooker on the verge of exploding. I always seem to control myself, but at times it is difficult. I know I am doing the right thing. I am helping others. Being their crutch.... holding them up.... making their life a better place. I suppose my time in the sun is coming. I was made a strong person, given my powers of compassion and understanding for a reason, but it is very difficult sometimes not to be selfish and run off and hide in a corner. I have a lot of anger, I can feel it, and it seems to be bubbling just beneath the surface of my everyday self. This post may come across as rambling, disorganized and incoherent, but I need to shed some of this weight. I am tired of being the bad guy. I guess that is the best way to describe it. Tired of being the bad guy.....
thinking about all life has to offer...all the times i have let life pass me by and lived again to regret it...how many times can one person fail the same lesson??? getting up only to fall right back down where i started...living lie after lie, living up to everyone else...i am who i am and that is all i can be...forever...i am not perfect, i do have faults...accept all of me or let me go...i don't want to be someone elses slave...i can't live for you anymore...my mind is so tired...tired of sleepless nights, waiting by the phone, only to realize five hours later that you broke another promise...i should have been worth more than that...i know that you were...today i live my life, challenging myself, becoming stronger...one day i will see you and you won't matter anymore...and as you grab for my hand to save you from falling, i'll let you go...cause you would have taken me down anyways...
