Random thoughts of an anonymous man
It appears as though I survived the holidays. Actually had a bit of fun. Enjoyed the time away from work. It would have been nice to have more than three days off, but at least I am staring down another short work week. So yeah. All and all things are good. Watched a decent movie on Saturday..... Napoleon Dynamite. I thought the characters were great, the dance scene incredible, and I really enjoyed the ending. Whereas in most movies nowadays the teen characters are sexualized and might as well be adults in Dynamite I thought the characters were still innocent and believable. I think everybody remembers that period of their life. All the insecurities, wonders, the simplicity of life. Definitely a movie worth watching.
Ever get that feeling that you are on a sinking ship? The feeling can be applied to many situations in life... your job, your relationship... Okay so those are the only two that come to mind right now, but I am sure there are others. So anyhow I feel that way right now. Just in a bit of a funk I suppose and I suppose I will recover. Don't really a big fan of self pity, just feels good to record the thoughts for future therapy I suppose. So here comes Christmas again... Yea.... To bad you can't hear the sarcasm that is associated with that yea. Christmas can suck my nuts. At least the commercialized americanized mall shopping version that is practiced by most of my family. Someday when I form my isolated utopian society deep in the mountains somewhere we will reform the holiday and put family and community first. So about said utopian community.... I am accepting donations. Any takers?
The person to whom I dedicate this song will most likely never know how I feel. Shame really.
You can't know, oh no
you can't know
how much I think about you, no
It's making my head spin
Looking at you
and you are looking at me
and we both know what we want
hmmm, so close to giving in
Feel so nice
oh yeah you feel so nice
wish I could spend the night
but I can't pay the price
oh no, no
But I'm flying so high
high off the ground
when you're around
And I can feel your high
rocking me inside
it's too much to hide
I know, oh yes
I know that we can't
be together
but, I just like to dream
It's so strange
the way our paths have crossed
how we were brought together
hmmm, it's written in the stars it seems
Feel so nice
oh yeah you feel so nice
I'd love to spend the night
but I can't pay the price
oh no, no
And I'm flying so high
high off the ground
when you're around
And I can feel your high
touching me inside
and it's too much to hide
Back to earth
where did you take me to
I know there's no such thing
As painless love
well it'll catch us up
and we can never win
But ohhh
I feel so alive
ohhh
Just wanna hold you
hold you so tight
And I'm flying so high
high off the ground
when you're around
And I can feel your high
touching me inside
and it's too much to hide
And I'm flying so high
high off the ground
when you're around
Sometimes, as I have discussed before, life wears on me. It wears me very thin. I sometimes wish I could just walk away from it all and live the life of a hermit somewhere very foreign. Just me, my thoughts, regrets, and repressed anger. There are times when I feel like a pressure cooker on the verge of exploding. I always seem to control myself, but at times it is difficult. I know I am doing the right thing. I am helping others. Being their crutch.... holding them up.... making their life a better place. I suppose my time in the sun is coming. I was made a strong person, given my powers of compassion and understanding for a reason, but it is very difficult sometimes not to be selfish and run off and hide in a corner. I have a lot of anger, I can feel it, and it seems to be bubbling just beneath the surface of my everyday self. This post may come across as rambling, disorganized and incoherent, but I need to shed some of this weight. I am tired of being the bad guy. I guess that is the best way to describe it. Tired of being the bad guy.....
thinking about all life has to offer...all the times i have let life pass me by and lived again to regret it...how many times can one person fail the same lesson??? getting up only to fall right back down where i started...living lie after lie, living up to everyone else...i am who i am and that is all i can be...forever...i am not perfect, i do have faults...accept all of me or let me go...i don't want to be someone elses slave...i can't live for you anymore...my mind is so tired...tired of sleepless nights, waiting by the phone, only to realize five hours later that you broke another promise...i should have been worth more than that...i know that you were...today i live my life, challenging myself, becoming stronger...one day i will see you and you won't matter anymore...and as you grab for my hand to save you from falling, i'll let you go...cause you would have taken me down anyways...
